Battle of the Blond Heroes!!!
by Destined-Warrior
Summary: The Blonds duke it out to find out whose game charcters are the Best. FF 7,9, and FFT fight. Wedge, Queen Brahne and Gafgarion are the hosts. *CH.6 UP*
1. Blond Heroes Fight!

Battle of the Blond Heroes!!!  
  
1 By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7, 9 or Tactics. I do not own anything Square has used, and blah blah blaaaaah!  
  
Note: Yes, I shall consider Tactics a Final Fantasy, because it is part of the name. Really, it is unlike the others in the style, but that's it. Also, charcters will get killed, but probably will be brought back to life the next round with a phoenix down or something. Now, I bet you want me to shut up and start, and that is what I shall do. Oh, I forgot to mention, in the Japanese FF7, Aeris' name is really Aerith, and I will call her that okay.  
  
Gafgarion (he will be called Gaffy for short): Welcome to the Battle of the Blond Heroes!  
  
Q. Brahne: Soon, we shall see who is the best of the blond heroes!  
  
Wedge: Is it the spiky haired Cloud, butt pants wearing Ramza, or monkey boy Zidane?  
  
Gaffy: We shall also see which game heroes and villains are truly the best.  
  
Q.Brahne: I better see a good show. I don't give prizes to bad ones.  
  
Wedge: Actually Brahne, later I will be giving out the prizes.  
  
Q.Brahne: I will see to that…  
  
Gaffy: Well, uh, anyway, we'll see who's the best ooooon…..  
  
All: BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!  
  
(In the Locker Rooms)  
  
Cloud: I'm so gonna win this. Heh heh.  
  
Zidane: With what? Your hair! Ha ha ha haaaaaa!  
  
Ramza: Your one to talk. How will you win shorty?  
  
Zidane: HEY! I'm not SHORT! I'm vertically challenged that's all…  
  
Cloud: More like the programmers don't know how to make proportional characters right.  
  
Ramza: Hey, you don't even get hands, you get balls of peach, and you only have hands in battle. *Ramza hits them with his towel*  
  
Cloud and: Heh, neither do you, and we ever see them. *Also hits Ramza and Zidane with a towel*  
  
Ramza: Not true, they are just always in a fist, so ha ha to you too.  
  
(At the Audience)  
  
Dagger: I don't know if Zidane can do this.  
  
Aerith: You have very little faith, because at least I think Cloud can win  
  
Alma: No way, my brother can. He saved the world.  
  
Dagger and Aerith: All our boyfriends did. That's why this fight is happening, to find out which one is the coolest.  
  
*Here, they blush, and Alma gets pissed*  
  
Alma: I do NOT love my brother that way!!!!!  
  
Aerith: Whatever  
  
Eiko: Just shut the Hell UP! Just because you got Zidane, Dagger, doesn't mean I couldn't get none! Where do you think Vivi got all his kids?  
  
*Vivi blushes*  
  
Dagger: WHAT?!?!?! I so totally didn't know that. Really, you two are very cute.  
  
Vivi: Thanks Dagger. *His eyes light up, that's how he blushes*  
  
(Back to the Hosts of this crazy tournament…)  
  
Q.Brahne: Well now, we've already told you about the heroes, let's just watch them fight.  
  
Gaffy: I know Ramza will win, he learned how to fight dirty from me.  
  
Wedge: Really? But Cloud's hair is pretty damn freaky!  
  
Gaffy: True, but is it enough to win?  
  
Q.Brahne: Shut the Hell up, it's about to start, and I wanna watch!  
  
(Cloud, Ramza, and Zidane walk out onto the ring)  
  
Gaffy: In this first match, the whole point is to see which of you is the best. Basically, just kill each other, and the last one standing wins.  
  
Wedge: By the way, get knocked out of the ring, and fall into the pit of laaaaaavaaaaaaa *Wedge points it out* Bwa ha ha haaaa, I hope Cloud falls in.  
  
Q.Brahne: Ramza was smart, and actually planned ahead, and he can walk on lava for this round.  
  
Wedge: Hey Ramza, give you a pet monkey if you knock Cloud into the Laaaaaaavaaaaaa and I shall get one for you.  
  
Gaffy: And if you don't want him, I'll take him!  
  
Ramza: I know walk on lava is a useless ability, but it's going to get me a pet monkey. I'm going to burn your hair off Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Touch the hair, and I use Omnislash on you!  
  
Zidane: Why is it I feel like I'm left out?  
  
Wedge: Oh yeah, the pet monkey you will get Ramza is none other than Zidane himself!  
  
Ramza: Cool, I get a talking monkey!  
  
Zidane: Now I don't feel left out anymore, yaaaaaay!  
  
Q.Brahne: Well, let this match begin. On your marks, get set, goooooooo!  
  
Gaffy: Isn't that for racing, well whatever, the fight has started.  
  
Like he said, it started, and here is how it went: first Zidane and Cloud realized that they had to get hurt really bad before they could do their ultimate moves. Ramza on the other hand went and started to pound away on Cloud, because he really wanted a pet monkey. Zidane wanted Cloud to be able to use his limit break, so he helped by using his ultima weapon on him. Well basically, they killed poor ol' Cloud, but before they did, Ramza went on the lava, and burned Cloud's hair off, just like he said he would.  
  
Wedge: WOOOOOW, he really did it! I always thought that kid needed a haircut! I liked that show so much I've decided I'm going to get you a pet penguin. Or would you like a baboon instead?  
  
Ramza: I'll answer in a minute, so hold on, I'm fighting.  
  
*Ramza is on the lava throwing stones at Zidane, and somehow they are knocking him back. Ramza also never misses, because he has concentrate on, nothing ever misses when attacking. *  
  
Zidane: What is this? I can't let a guy who wears butt pants win! I'm going to use lucky seven it never misses. *Uses Lucky Seven, does one hit point of damage* DAMN, I forget it always does that, uh oooooooooh.  
  
*Zidane falls into the lava, and burns to death.*  
  
Ramza: Ha ha, I WIN!  
  
Gaffy: Told you he'd win.  
  
Wedge: Never doubted that for a minute.  
  
Q.Brahne: Well, that's one point for Ramza. Next battle will be the Battle of the Cids. Which Cid is the best one? I bet it won't be the Regent.  
  
FF9 Cid: HEY, I heard that you fat bitch!  
  
Q.Brahne: Oh T.G. Ciiiiiiiiid, kill him in the next round, and I'll reward you with rare food.  
  
FFT Cid: Okay, whatever, I sure could use some food after the next match.  
  
Ramza: By the way, I want both pets Announcer Wedge!  
  
Wedge: Your only getting the baboon.  
  
Ramza: Awwww, that sucks, but okay (cheapskate).  
  
Heh heh, I wonder-which Cid is best? We'll find out in the next round I suppose on BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES! 


	2. Attack Of the Cids!

Battle of the Blond Heroes  
  
Ch.2  
  
By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, blah blah blah, so on and so on, and etc. etc. etc.  
  
Note: One of the reviews I received was very rude. If you don't like my story, you can say so, but please don't flame me about it. Or if you want to criticize my story, please do so in a constructive way. And don't read it if you don't like it.  
  
*************  
  
(At the Announcer Booth)  
  
Gaffy: Well in the last round Ramza won quite easily.  
  
Wedge: What he means is Ramza right now is winning  
  
Q.Brahne: I will be awarding a prize to the FFT Cid if he can kill the Regent for me. I told you Wedge now I'll be doing the prize giving from now on.  
  
Gaffy: Right, I forgot, this round we see which Cid is the best. *Cough Cough-T.G. Cid will win no problem-Cough*  
  
Wedge: I heard that, but FF7 Cid can win too you know. Not much of a chance, but still a chance. By the way Brahne-exactly what can the regent do-use machines?  
  
Q.Brahne: Actually, I heard he brought a gun. Oh, I forgot to mention he has a Froggy friend with him. If this frog licks you, you turn into one too. So, I think he might have a chance, depending on if that dimwit decides to do something fast.  
  
(At the Locker Rooms)  
  
FF7 Cid: I got this damn f****** battle in the bag.  
  
FF9 Cid: I have a trick up my sleeve.  
  
FFT Cid: I shall cover my back and attack from behind.  
  
FF7 Cid: Poor translations on FFT are what ruined that damn game, and as to why mine is better.  
  
FF9 Cid: Hmm, mine is the best, because it has the coolest graphics!  
  
FF7 and FFT Cid: So, ours had the better stories, and that is what people want.  
  
FF7 Cid: HEY, my game is so F****** D*** better. Your game is a piece of S***  
  
(Here the Cids hit each other with towels)  
  
FF7 Cid: MY GAME IS F****** BETTER!  
  
FFT Cid: NO, MINE IS!  
  
(This goes on for about three minutes)  
  
FF9 Cid: HEY, let's do this in the ring, where we can entertain the readers for a short bit.  
  
(Out in the Audience. This time, you see Ramza, Cloud, and Zidane sit down)  
  
Zidane: If I know the Regent, he has some plan up his sleeve  
  
Cloud: Cid cusses a lot, and he might talk someone's ear off with his bad language.  
  
Ramza: But we all used bad language at least once in the game didn't we?  
  
Cloud: But Cid uses a bad word in like…uhhhh…every sentence you know.  
  
Zidane: Maybe the Regent will wash his mouth out with soap.  
  
(They all laugh)  
  
Ramza: T.G. Cid is cheap, he's a strong old guy, never undestimate them old guys.  
  
Zidane: I dunno guys I really think the regent can win. I outta know, because he discussed his strategy with me ear…  
  
(Here Ramza throws a stone at him)  
  
Ramza: Here monkey-boy, take THAT *throws another stone at him*  
  
Zidane: Dammit, stop THAT!  
  
(Delita walks in with Princess Ovelia)  
  
Delita: Hey all, so what's up? I get to fight later too.  
  
Ovelia: You know, why don't you ever hear much from everyone else?  
  
Ramza: Hey you B****** you didn't give a crap about me in my game!  
  
Delita: YOUR GAME! HEY, I THOUGHT THIS WAS A JOINT PRODUCT HERE????  
  
Cloud: Uhhh, what is he talking about?  
  
Zidane: Hey pretty lady, do you have to fight tonight in the tournament?  
  
Ovelia: Um, yes I do (what a weird looking guy, is that the Zidane fellow Delita told me to look out for?) And Delita, what do you mean by that joint product?  
  
Delita: Uh oh Ramza, she's going to know about the plan…  
  
Ramza: She can't know about your marrying my SISTER!  
  
Delita: SHHHHHHH, you dumb Ass!  
  
Ovelia: What did you two say? Well Delita, I thought I told you not to say bad words? (Grabs him by the ear, and walks off)  
  
Zidane: Ramza, can you and that guy get me on a date with her?  
  
Ramza: Uhhh, don't you have a girlfriend already? Delita needs a harem, so uhhhh…no.  
  
Zidane: Damn! I thought everyone knew that Dagger just sucks!  
  
(Somewhere else in the audience…)  
  
Altima: Why are we here again? (Flips his/her hair)  
  
Kuja: Notice how we all have white blond hair?  
  
Sephiroth: *Sigh* White blond hair is a sign of evil, and we are here to prove that one of us is the best villain.  
  
Altima: Oh, that's right, I forget.  
  
Kuja: By the way Altima, wanna go on a date later?  
  
Altima: Uh, no, I think I'm a guy. The game says I'm a girl though…  
  
Sephiroth: When we fight, part of the plan is to get rid of Cloud, Zidane, and Ramza.  
  
Kuja: I forgot that part of the plan. So which round do we fight in?  
  
Altima: It's the fourth round.  
  
Sephiroth: Damn, we must wait another two rounds of watching goody two shoes fight. Still, fun to watch good guys beat up good guys.  
  
(The girls have a talk)  
  
Dagger: We fight the next fight right Eiko?  
  
Eiko: Yep, by what they say, we are the girlfriends that love the hero.  
  
Dagger: Time to prove which of us is better for Zidane right?  
  
Vivi: I'm fighting too. They couldn't figure out if I was a girl or a boy, so they let me fight.  
  
Eiko and Dagger: WEIRD!  
  
Tifa: I have fists of doom, and Aerith and me are smart! We actually have our limits filled out. We did this about two days ago, so be prepared, because our moves don't miss.  
  
Aerith: He he.  
  
Rafa: Ramza has the most girlies after him (here Agrias, Meliadoul, Teta, and Alma appear)  
  
Rafa: That makes uhhhh five of us.  
  
Everyone but the FFT people: Damn!  
  
(At the Ring)  
  
Gaffy: Finally, I got bored of audience talk.  
  
Wedge: This battle might be more fair, hey Brahne, what are the things our players have to worry about this time?  
  
Brahne: Well, there outside of the ring, you see rabid dogs ready to chew you to pieces.  
  
Wedge: There's more right?  
  
Brahne: Oh yes, electrical traps will sometimes stun our players, and with those metal weapons…  
  
Gaffy: We'll be seeing a good show! Yeah!  
  
Brahne: If T.G. Cid happens to get lucky and kills the regent, I give him a feast of rare food later.  
  
Gaffy: Oh yes, let's introduce the different Cids. There has been a Cid in every Final Fantasy since 4.  
  
Brahne: But we aren't going to get into that right now. Anyway, here comes Cid Highwind, a pilot of an airship. He cusses a lot.  
  
Wedge: And here comes T.G Cid, also known as Orlandu. He is a master of many swordskills.  
  
Gaffy: And the last one to come out is the Cid from FF9. He's a regent of the kingdom of Lindblum. Holds some sort of hunting contest every year. I'm going to be in the next one. Oh, and Brahne hates his guts.  
  
Brahne: Darn tootin'. Anyway, on your marks, get set, GO!  
  
Gaffy: What did I tell you that was for already Brahne?  
  
Brahne: I don't care I like repetition.  
  
Wedge: She's weird….  
  
(The Cids anyway, charge for each other)  
  
FF7 Cid: Hey Orlandu, bet you can't f****** win this damn fight without using those s***** swordskills.  
  
FFT Cid: How 'bout I promise I won't use 'em (crosses his fingers)  
  
FF9 Cid: Yeah, I bet you don't keep promises.  
  
(Here Cid from FF7 charges with his best weapon and hits the regents coat. This causes his froggy friend to pop out and hit Cid Highwind. Cid is now a frog, and Orlandu tries to stomp on him. After two minutes of chasing him, he stomps Cid Highwind. Cid curses every curse word he knows before he dies. The Regent's Froggy friend jumps out of the ring and gets eaten by rabid dog. At the same time, the Regent grabs out his gun, but gets hit but a lightning bolt. Orlandu decides he should quickly win the fight, so pulls out a sword. He realizes he accidentally had grabbed his katana a day before. Knowing now he won't be able to be cheap, he charges at the Regent. A lighting bolt then also hits Orlandu. The Regent had a rubber suit on for some weird reason, and then regained his posture. Seeing Orlandu nearly dead, he just shoots him in the heart. He then knocks him over into where the rabid dogs could be found.)  
  
FF9 Cid: Ha, I won Brahne, so go on, say it!  
  
Brahne: *grumble grumble* Okay, Cid from FF9 won.  
  
(Gaffy looks shocked): I-can't-believe-he-won. That wasn't supposed to happen was it?  
  
Wedge: It shouldn't have, but it did, the points Brahne…  
  
Brahne: Okay…  
  
Ramza-1 Cloud-0 Zidane-1  
  
Brahne: Well, can Cloud's game characters win any fights?  
  
Gaffy: I really don't give an f***, I just want to see the next fight.  
  
Wedge: Cussing is bad you know…  
  
(A lighting bolt strikes Gaffy)  
  
Brahne: HA HA HA HAAAAAAA! You deserved that. The next battle is where all of the men's girlfriends shall fight to prove which girlies are not so girlie after all.  
  
Wedge: I won't be surprised to see some infighting on….  
  
All: BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heck, this story is nuts, but please review this story. 


	3. The Girls, the Boogieman, and the Lochne...

Battle of the Blond Heroes  
  
Ch.3  
  
1 By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of Squaresoft's games. Blah blah blah.  
  
Note: I am not picking on blond haired people. I just called it what I did, because well, look here Ramza had blond hair, Cloud had blond hair, and oh MY GOD Zidane had blond hair. Does it not make sense to call it what I did?  
  
********************  
  
(At the Announcer's Booth)  
  
Gaffy: That lightning bolt that hit me in the last round hurt. But anyway, we must go on. Surprisingly in the last round T.G. Cid lost. No surprise Cid Highwind lost, but the Regent winning just seems wrong.  
  
Brahne: Aren't we a bit cruel to wish for other game players to win?  
  
Wedge: Not at all, actually, Gafgarion is the only loyal one here.  
  
Gaffy: I'm loyal to my game, even if Delita and Ramza own it. I get part of the cash you know.  
  
Brahne: Heck, isn't that nice? Well this round, I see my adopted daughter fight.  
  
Wedge: I get to see Aerith and Tifa die! I want to see that!  
  
Gaffy: Your going to piss the ladies off you know. But I'm now as unloyal to my game as you are, for I am sure Ovelia will die. It's cause of her that I died the first time.  
  
Brahne: How did we come back to life anyway Gafgarion?  
  
Gaffy: Not sure, but someone used some magical life spell I believe…  
  
(I walk into the scene)  
  
Destined Warrior: I'm the one that brought you back to life. Thank me by groveling at my feet. Just kidding, now keep doing a wonderful job of hosting this story okay.  
  
(Leaves the scene)  
  
Wedge: That was interesting. She's the owner I imagine…  
  
Gaffy: Yep, well anyway, let's go see the girlies before they fight…  
  
(At the locker Rooms)  
  
Eiko: I'm killing Dagger Vivi, wanna help?  
  
Vivi: Hmm, not sure Eiko, can we get rid of her?  
  
Eiko: Yeah, then Zidane becomes king, and he'll marry me!  
  
Vivi: But you got me! *Whine*  
  
Eiko: I got a divorce from you awhile back, after we had all them dang blasted kids! Hey, that just gave me an idea….  
  
(To Aerith and Tifa)  
  
Tifa: Hey Aerith, we get the least amount of people. Why?  
  
Aerith: Cause Cloud didn't bother trying to find more girlfriends…  
  
Tifa: Cloud sucks you know.  
  
Aerith: Yeah, wanna go get some coffee after this?  
  
Tifa: Sounds good to me. All we gotta do is use our limits okay. You use your ultimate limit to make us invisible, and then I use mine and pray we get all hits and no misses.  
  
(With the FFT girls…)  
  
Agrias: We are really strong aren't we?  
  
Ovelia: What do I have to do?  
  
Alma: Our job is to be damage magnets for the other two teams.  
  
Rafa: All you do is cast M.Barrier on us, then take the brunt of attacks. Don't worry, because you'll come back to life with reraise.  
  
Agrias: Why would we just kill you anyway?  
  
Meliadoul: Because we all love Ramza…  
  
Alma: I DO NOT!!!  
  
Meliadoul: *whisper whisper* Obviously, your brother does then. Hey Agrias, I got a plan to get rid of her.  
  
Agrias: I'm listening…  
  
(In the Audience)  
  
Red: Hey, it's the first thing I get to say.  
  
Barret: And probably the last thing for a while too.  
  
Algus: I've gotta restore the Sidalfus family name again.  
  
Quina: I'm hungry go look for food.  
  
Steiner: I must go protect the princess!  
  
Beatrix: She can take care of herself Steiner. Besides, this isn't the fight you get to fight in.  
  
Amarant: ………………………  
  
Lani: You never say anything do you?  
  
Amarant: I do, just that I don't care. Let's go out and do some naughty stuff okay Lani. We don't even get to fight, and I don't care who wins.  
  
(All the people just talking leave, except Beatrix and Steiner)  
  
(At the Announcer Booth Again)  
  
Brahne: HEY, why are they leaving?  
  
Wedge: They don't fight Brahne, so it doesn't matter if they leave or not.  
  
Gaffy: We should create a round for these poor people to fight in.  
  
Wedge: Too many of 'em, and besides, only the owner can do anything about the matches we see, read, and watch.  
  
(I appear again)  
  
Destined-Warrior: That's right Wedge  
  
(Walks off again)  
  
Gaffy: Wonder how she does that?  
  
Wedge: Probably don't want to know.  
  
Brahne: Well, let's introduce the people for this round of the fight. And obviously Ramza has a lot of ladies after his heart.  
  
Gaffy: And the worst part is, Ramza has never had any fun with 'em.  
  
Wedge: He's missing out on a lot isn't he Gafgarion?  
  
Brahne: WE'RE SUPPOSE TO INTRODUCE THE GIRLIES!!! OR DID YOU FORGET??? (Smoke can be seen from her nose)  
  
Gaffy: *AHEM* Okay, well anyway, we have the FFT girls-Alma, Ovelia, Agrias, Rafa, and Meliadoul here.  
  
Brahne: And also here are FF7's Aerith and Tifa. Aerith had to be brought back to life.  
  
Wedge. And also here is FF9's Dagger, Eiko, and Vivi. We couldn't figure out if Vivi was a girl or boy, but we let him/her in anyway.  
  
Gaffy: And what are the traps this time Brahne?  
  
Brahne: Good question Gafgarion, this time our players must worry about the Boogeyman outside the ring.  
  
Boogieman: Hey all, aren't I cute? My job is to seduce the girls out of the ring, and when they do, the loch ness monster eats them. (Here he waves to the audience, he looks like a super model).  
  
Loch Ness monster: ROAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! HERE ME ROAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  
  
Wedge: Well, that's surprising, a supermodel, and Nessy talks. Never expected that.  
  
Brahne: SHUT UP WEDGE, I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!! Ahem, anyway, also in the ring, we have spikes that come out of the ground slicing an opponent in a very gruesome way. Glad I'm not down there.  
  
Wedge: As I was saying Brahne-Lots of stuff you never expect seems to happen doesn't it?  
  
Brahne: Just noticed that, but who really cares?  
  
Gaffy: Nobody probably, let's just gets this started.  
  
Brahne: On your marks, get set GO!!!  
  
Gaffy: Didn't I already tell you what that was foooooor?  
  
Wedge: She likes repitition man.  
  
(On the battlegrounds…)  
  
Meliadoul: Remember the plan, we kill Alma and Ovelia right now.  
  
Agrias: I get Ovelia, the little snot-nosed princess decided to run off with the bad guys before we could save her. She has no faith in us whatsoever.  
  
Meliadoul: And I get Alma, now let's just hope this works the way it's suppose to.  
  
…………………….  
  
Eiko: Geez Vivi, do I have to keep explaining it to you?  
  
Vivi: What?  
  
Eiko: The PLAN! Dammit, the P-L-A-N! Anyway, all you have to do is get the kids to come in, make it look like your using some sort of cloning spell. Then in the confusion, I kill Dagger, and you doomsday everything on the battlefield. Sound easy?  
  
Vivi: What was the plan again? HA HA, just kidding, gotcha!  
  
Eiko: Your making it hard on me mister to like you…  
  
Dagger: Doomsday the battlefield? Won't that kill everyone???  
  
Vivi: SO, we all come back alive in the next round anyway…  
  
Dagger: ……….  
  
…………………….  
  
Tifa: You know that boogieman fellow looks cute maybe we should ask him on a date later.  
  
Aerith: No WAY, I will, you get Cloud!  
  
Tifa: NO NO NO!!!  
  
Aerith: Whatever let's just fight!  
  
(All of them charge at each other other than Eiko and Vivi. Vivi "casts" a spell to make it look like he was cloning himself. When the kids appeared on the battlefield, the spikes then suddenly came out of the ground hit half of them. Then Rafa tried using her truth skill on the battlefield, but the randomness did not outweigh the power, it missed and hit Nessy on the head. Nessy roared and ate her. The boogieman did the marcarena while sticking his tongue out at the women. Then Dagger felt seduced by this strange dance and rushed in on the Boogieman, and also got eaten by Nessy. Alma tried to cast M.Barrier on Meliadoul, but got hit by a spike before casting it. The same happened to Ovelia.)  
  
Meliadoul and Agrias: Oh well, they died anyway, ha ha ha haaaaaa!  
  
(Tifa and Aerith decided it was time to use their limits. Aerith used a sleep spell, and then casted her ultimate limit which made them invisible. Nobody noticed though, and Tifa then used her limit. She got hits on all of them, and was able to knock out the real Vivi, Agrias and the rest of the Vivi clones. At the same time, Aerith decided to take advantage of her being invisible, and ran to the Boogieman. Then the spell wore off, and Nessy also ate her. Now the only people in the ring were: Tifa, Meliadoul, and Eiko. Ooooo, one of each from the three games battling.)  
  
Gaffy: This sure is interesting. Glad Ovelia got hit by one of them spikes. Surprised Agrias intended to kill her from the start. She sure is pretty sneaky.  
  
Wedge: I was right about that infighting. Dagger, Aerith, and Rafa have been eaten by Nessy, but I wonder if she's hungry still?  
  
Nessy: I WANT MORE TO EAT!!! *She goes for the announcers' booth, and I step in yet again)  
  
Destined-Warrior: HEY NOW, no eating the hosts, go eat them three. *I'm pointing to Tifa, Meliadoul, and Eiko*  
  
Nessy: SURE, WHY NOT???  
  
Destined-Warrior: The one I really want you to eat is Eiko or Tifa. No killing the one in green okay?  
  
Nessy: OKAY!!!!!! HEAR ME ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wedge: Hey, I thought the sponsor wasn't supposed to be biased?  
  
Destined-Warrior: Well, FFT is my favorite game, but yeah, your right, and FF7 sure does deserve this win. Nobody likes Meliadoul really anyway (not even me).  
  
Gaffy: Darn tootin' about FFT being the best!  
  
Brahne: The regent didn't deserve to win though…  
  
Destined-Warrior: Okay, anyway, NESSY, EAT MELIADOUL, THE ONE IN GREEN! I MADE A MISTAKE!!!  
  
(I walk off screen again).  
  
Nessy: HEAR ME ROAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  
  
(Meliadoul a few seconds later also gets eaten. Eiko cures herself because Tifa had been punching her for a while now, and Meliadoul had cut a gash in her leg. Tifa doesn't even noticed Eiko healed herself, and just keeps punching anyway. Then both saw the Boogieman still doing the marcarena-the seductive dance. Tifa was annoyed by how it looked, and punched Eiko right into him.)  
  
Boogieman: What this---Aaaaaaaaack!!!  
  
Eiko: Hey mister, I hurt. *Die*  
  
Wedge: Well, one of the FF7 people did win.  
  
Brahne: In-fighting is cool, never seen a show like that, not in all my years. And I've seen a lot of shows.  
  
Gaffy: Aren't you suppose to give a prize out Brahne?  
  
Brahne: Well, actually, I like Tifa, she got rid of that annoying daughter of mine for a little bit, so I now make her the heir to my throne.  
  
Tifa: COOL, thanks lady!  
  
Brahne: The name is Brahne Tifa.  
  
Tifa: Ok-kay!  
  
Wedge: Well, that proves that Tifa is the least girlie of all the girls, even though most of them weren't anyway.  
  
Gaffy: They come back to life, hope their feelings aren't hurt, I plan on courting some of them.  
  
Ramza: And Delita still needs a harem.  
  
Delita: I left a message at the bottom of this thing for those of you interested in being a part of my harem.  
  
Gaffy: Does Ovelia know about this?  
  
Ramza: DUDE GAFGARION, WHERE YA BEEN? Man, no way, she wouldn't have it.  
  
Delita: We plan on killing her.  
  
Wedge: Didn't you kill her already once?  
  
Delita: DESTINED-WARRIOR brought her back to life.  
  
(I walk into the scene AGAIN)  
  
Destined-Warrior: I'll keep her dead this time okay Delita.  
  
Delita: Okay.  
  
Brahne: And that brings another end to another round of the Battle of the Blond Heroes.  
  
Wedge: Where just about anything you can think of happens.  
  
Destined-Warrior: I just want to say the villains fight next.  
  
Brahne: Almost forgot the points…  
  
Ramza: 1  
  
Cloud: 1  
  
Zidane: 1  
  
What do ya know; the owner is so nice she decided to let FF7 win this round.  
  
Wedge: Well, see ya soon ooooooooon…  
  
All: BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!  
  
********************  
  
To be part of Delita's Harem, contact at…  
  
Phone: 224-3717 (That spells Delitau)  
  
E-mail: Delita_The_King@ZeltenniaCastle.net  
  
Or you can always do snail mail at  
  
123 Zeltennia Castle Lane  
  
Ivalice, Final Fantasy Land 224371 (The Zip Code spells Delita)  
  
Delita: AND YOU BETTER BE A PRETTY GIRL! SEND A PICTURE AND I'LL WRITE YOU A LETTER SAYING YOUR IN!  
  
Wedge: Calm down man, we'll see how many responses we get okay.  
  
Delita: Whoever said this was a "we" project? 


	4. Battle Of The White Blond Villains

Battle of the White Blond Villains  
  
Ch.4  
  
1 By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy games, and probably never will.  
  
Note: For the stupid people out there, Delita's Harem address is fake as fake can get. Also, notice the title for this chapter. I have a stupid sense of humor do I not? Also, be warned there is a couple of lines bashing FF8, so if you don't like that, then just skip the second part of the audience talk stuff where you see Ramza, Cloud, and Zidane talking.  
  
*************************  
  
(At the Announcer's Booth…)  
  
Wedge: Whew, that last round was the coolest.  
  
Brahne: Yes, but now my evil "daughter" is back or wait, the Sponsor of this story can kill her…  
  
(I hear this comment and come onto the scene again)  
  
Destined-Warrior: I hear ya wants Dagger dead forever…  
  
Brahne: Yeah, because Tifa makes for a much cooler heir to the throne.  
  
Gaffy: And the fact that Tifa actually looks proportioned to her body might help.  
  
Destined-Warrior: That's pretty cruel to want your own "daughter" to stay dead.  
  
Gaffy: But life is cruel, so deal with it. And besides, you kept Ovelia dead didn't you.  
  
Destined-Warrior: Uhhhh, yeah, but Delita had good reasons…  
  
Brahne: To start a f****** harem! What kind of reason is that?  
  
Destined-Warrior: Your right, it isn't much of a reason, so I'll now make a compromise with you.  
  
Brahne: Yes!  
  
Destined-Warrior: She'll somehow get killed two rounds from now. But you must make sure that Cloud never finds out about this. Because…uhhhh, he won't like knowing the fact Tifa hates him.  
  
Brahne: That's perfect, two rounds from now is when the princess round is fought!  
  
Gaffy: That sounds good to me, why don't you go ahead and do that.  
  
Destined-Warrior: I'm the sponsor of this thing, so I do whatever the hell I want! (I disappear off the scene)  
  
Wedge: Now I'm really beginning to wonder how she does that!  
  
Gaffy: I thought you didn't care at first.  
  
Wedge: ……….To the Locker Rooms!  
  
(At the Locker Rooms…)  
  
Sephiroth: I hope you dudes don't screw up, because you're stupid enough as it is.  
  
Kuja: Don't worry, cause we won't screw up the plan.  
  
Altima: Besides, all we must do is kill Ramza, Zidane, and Cloud, how can we screw up? They aren't expecting us to do that are they?  
  
Sephiroth: Who knows, they did kill us once before…  
  
Kuja: Well, they won't this time.  
  
Altima: They probably will, since that's what always happens. Good guys beat up bad guys. Bad guys are needed so there are good guys in the world…blah blah blah. It's like that so there is some balance in this world  
  
Sephiroth: Well then…let's be the first evil people to win over good!  
  
Kuja: Because that balance thingy you were talking about says we're suppose to win sometimes too.  
  
All: YEAH!!!  
  
(In the audience…)  
  
Quina: I want food, me hungry!  
  
Eiko: Dammit Quina, you already ate Vivi's and mine's kids, what else do you want?  
  
Vivi: *boo hoo*  
  
Eiko: See, now I gotta listen to him cry.  
  
**********  
  
Ramza: Hey, do you think the bad guys will just fight each other?  
  
Cloud: *he is eating a hotdog, and looking at a porno magazine* Probably, stop worrying so much Ramza.  
  
(Zell sees a hotdog)  
  
Zell: I want that hotdog!  
  
Zidane: *is looking at Cloud's Porno magazine also* Ahhhhhhh, your part of that evil game called Final Fantasy 8!  
  
Ramza: Let's kill him!!!  
  
Zell: *Runs off, but his pants fall off too, everyone laughs* Ahhhhh, now I am pantsless!  
  
Cloud: Serves him right *continues looking at porno magazine*  
  
**********  
  
Tifa: I'm now queen of the FF9 world, and I'm not gonna let Cloud touch one hand on it! Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!  
  
FF7 Cid: Shut the F*** up Tifa. I just wish I could have a part of the damn world.  
  
Tifa: No way buster, you aren't getting any of it! And I'm glad that Aerith is not alive, but dead, DEAD! And I got the Boogieman and me scheduled for a date next week. Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa!!!  
  
(Aerith walks onto the scene): Hey, I wanted the Boogieman. That seductive dance of his, it was ahhhhhhhhh. I'm gonna start a fad!  
  
Tifa: Uhhhh, no you won't…cause you'll be dead! (Tifa punches her in the mouth knocking out five teeth. Cid also stabs her like Sephiroth did, except it was with a spear and not a sword)  
  
Tifa: Hey Cid, nice job, want some coffee? I can see us working out a deal about the world I've inherited.  
  
FF7 Cid: Sure, why not?  
  
**********  
  
Brahne: Well, urm, now it is time to introduce the fighters for this round.  
  
Wedge: Yep, and here comes Sephi Sephi Sephi Sephi SEPHIROTH! Dadadadum, anyway, he killed Aerith, had meteor come into the world, screwed up Cloud's brain more than what it already was, and did a whole other bunch of shit, here he is NOW!  
  
Brahne: And here is the girly guy Kuja. And well, he uhhhhh, went and destroyed Terra, uhhhh, controlled me into thinking I should take over the world (which was fun). Made Vivi, and well damn it Kuja you didn't do too much here he is NOW!  
  
Gaffy: And here is Altima! Not sure if this villain is a girl or a guy, but who cares right? And He/She had 12 servants (who were actually smart) worked under His/Her belt, killed a bunch of people a long long time ago, and buried Murond into the ground, Here she/he is NOW!!  
  
Audience: Yeah!  
  
Gaffy: What about the traps Brahne???  
  
Brahne: I got lazy this round, sorry. On your marks, get set GOOOOOOO!  
  
Gaffy: Will she ever stop that?  
  
(At the Ring)  
  
Sephiroth: Ah ha ha ha haaaaa, here, at first we are suppose to look like we are going to do what we are suppose to, which is fight each other. Then after I give you guys the signal, we go in, and just destroy everything.  
  
(Altima and Kuja have already left and are heading towards our blond-haired heroes)  
  
Sephiroth: Ahhhh, HEY, WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEE! (He runs after them)  
  
********************  
  
Ramza: Hey, isn't that the villains coming towards us, LOOKING like they are going to kill us?  
  
(Cloud and Zidane are still looking at the porno magazine)  
  
Cloud and Zidane: Beats us…(they look up)…AHHHHHHHH!  
  
Zidane: Don't hurt me Kuja, stop flirting with me, you gay, panty-wearing villain you!  
  
Kuja: HEY, I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT WOMEN'S CLOTHING IS MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE THAN MEN'S!  
  
Cloud: Ahhhh, Sephiroth, don't kill me like you did to Aerith long long ago! (Cowers into a little ball)  
  
Sephiroth: ALTIMA, what the hell are you doing? *Altima is seen flirting with Ramza* Great! Why did I get stuck with a gay villain, and a half and half.  
  
Ramza: And then there's my sister, nasty little girl, thinks I like her more than as a sister or something. BAH, just cared about her a lot. Can I touch your goods?  
  
Altima: Shhhh, not yet, but maybe after the tournament…  
  
Ramza: YEAH!  
  
Sephiroth: And take that you pinhead and that…and some of THAT!  
  
Ah ha ha ha haaaaaa, how does that feel you clone!  
  
Zidane: Stop pinching me in the rear you panty wearing freak of nature!  
  
Kuja: Meh, ha ha ha ha, stop running Zidane, how am I to ever kiss you?  
  
Zidane: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!  
  
Wedge: This isn't going too good, the villains are supposed to fight. But I guess this will turn into the battle of good vs. evil.  
  
Gaffy: Who cares, because one other villain has come to destroy all, to uhhhh, rule the world, what else?  
  
Brahne: What are you talking about…OH…Dycedarg, Ramza's oldest brother. Yep, should be interesting.  
  
(Urm, back in the audience area…)  
  
Dycedarg: Dude, Ramza, what's up with you? Your suppose to show them who's boss. Where's that punk kid Delita? Oh well, now you Girly-Boy, and you- panties boy-what are you trying to do here? Just kill them damn it!  
  
Kuja and Sephiroth: And whhhhhy should we listen to you?  
  
Dycedarg: Don't backtalk me or I'll poison you like I did my father. And you, pretty woman, wanna go have some FUN later?  
  
Altima: Uh, no, I already have an appointment with this young man (he/she flips his/her hair and points to Ramza)…  
  
Dycedarg: I'll be taking care of you little brother in a minute…And you with the big sword, nobody tries to be better with a sword than me! Take this mosfungus poison! (Dycedarg throws a vile at him filled with the poison, and a bomb).  
  
Sephiroth: Damn you all! We'll lose now cause I'm not here.  
  
********************  
  
Brahne: Well, poor Sephi was the best of those three villains…  
  
Wedge: Actually, should that even be allowed?  
  
Brahne: Why not?  
  
Wedge: Because somebody other than the ones fighting just killed someone.  
  
Brahne: …………  
  
Gaffy: Well, obviously it's allowed, I don't remember reading about it in the rulebook anywhere.  
  
Wedge and Brahne: YOU ACTUALLY READ THAT THING? WE NEVER DID!!!  
  
Gaffy: Well, whatever, your problem, not mine.  
  
********************  
  
Dycedarg: Bwa ha ha, that felt good, and for you panties boy, taste lightning in your ass! (Lightning Stabs Kuja).  
  
Kuja: I wear steel panties, and so I didn't even feel that. That's because lightning goes through an object of least resistance.  
  
Dycedarg: I knew about that lightning fact, okay, now die, for trying to be smarter than me. LIFE IS SHORT, BURY STASIS SWORD!  
  
Kuja: Aaaaack, what is this crystal thingy that has surrounded me? You must like the idea of me being here! That's sooooo nice, because that must mean you love me! Here, let me show you my gratitude *takes off his panties*  
  
Everyone, and I mean everyone: …………………………  
  
Zidane: Damn it, that's just wrong, VERY WRONG!  
  
Altima: YEAH, I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT SHOULD BE DROPPING HER CLOTHES OFF!  
  
Brahne: Now that's not right either. Kuja is a girl? I don't remember this! I just thought that he liked women's clothing…  
  
Dycedarg: Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, my eyes are now soiled! For Kuja, I am not gay, and that DICK…ewwwww. Why is it so TINY? I cannot look longer *closes eyes, bad move Dycy, because Ramza doesn't want his woman taken, and he kills you. How he does it-stabs you in the back with his sword. *  
  
Gaffy: Well, we still have a very naked Kuja stuck in that crystal substance. Now Dycedarg is dead, that must make Ramza the better Beoluve! Well, I wonder who will win now?  
  
Cloud: How do we break this darn thing, Kuja's body is distracting me from my porno?  
  
Zidane: Beats me, let's go to the snack machines okay. Hey Ramza, coming along?  
  
Ramza: Sure. (They all leave the stands).  
  
Altima: This is beginning to look bad, and I can barely even look at a dick that's that small. Put your clothes back on you dufus, we're supposed to be killing the heroes, not fucking them.  
  
Kuja: Oh poo, how about later then? (Puts on his panties) And besides, I can make them faint over looking at it. Hey, look, see, Dycedarg got killed.  
  
Altima: Your getting on my nerves.  
  
Kuja: Hey, look at the pretty colors. *Goes into Trance mode* HEY, I have magically turned red. Like my hair? It's gorgeous. Whew, uhhh, hey, my casing has fallen off! (The crystal that Kuja was trapped in disappears).  
  
Altima: EEEEEEEEEECK, Kuja, you don't know how to control those powers! Uhhh, Kuja, you'll blow the stadium up.  
  
Kuja: Nah, just you I think. You won't let me have fun, so bye bye Altima! ULTIMA!  
  
Altima: Dumbaaaaaaaaassssssssss! (The magic hits Altima, and after impact, explodes and creates a crater)  
  
Kuja: I win, I win, and I win! Na Na Na Na boo boo!  
  
Wedge: WHAT, HE…Won?  
  
Gaffy: I'm asking myself the same question, but we don't make the winners here.  
  
Brahne: DAMN THAT IS JUST STUPID! Hmph.  
  
Gaffy: Deal with it Brahne…points please.  
  
Brahne: Hmph, okay, here are the points  
  
Cloud: 1  
  
Ramza: 1  
  
Zidane: 2  
  
Wedge: I'm still shocked to see Kuja winning. But I guess Dycedarg played a hand in it. So really, it's just a fluke.  
  
Brahne: And the good guys "win" again right?  
  
Gaffy: Yep.  
  
(The Cids walk in)  
  
All Cids: You guys are gonna LOVE the next round!  
  
Announcers: Uhhh, why?  
  
Cids: Because YOUR fighting in it!  
  
Announcers: WHAT! WHO WILL BE THE HOSTS?  
  
Cids: The sponsor will think about it.  
  
All: Oh well, we'll be fighting next, but see ya soon oooooonnnnnn…  
  
BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!  
  
Note: Sorry it took me so long to update everyone. I'll try to get the next part up sooner okay. 


	5. Our Announcers Fight!

Battle of the Blond Heroes  
  
Ch. 5  
  
1 By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy, blah blah blah.  
  
Note: There is some more picking on Zell in here. Just skip the third bit of audience talk if you don't like to read about that stuff okay.  
  
*************************  
  
Destined-Warrior: Yep, I'm the sponsor of this tourney, and for this round, our wonderful announcers will find out which of them is the best in the ring.  
  
Wedge: I just found out I'm a pacifist! Waaaaaaah!  
  
Gaffy: This is so funny, and I also get paid for winning. Money means more to me than friendship.  
  
Brahne: Meh, I know how to win this one. Heh heh.  
  
Destined-Warrior: Well, that's nice, but anyway, our hosts I have decided will be for this round only are: Delita (cause he has nothing better to do at the moment), Cait Sith (because he has a cool microphone), and I went and found Amarant outside literally painting the town red.  
  
Delita: Yo, wassup? I need five more women for my harem, so come on, sign up sign up!  
  
Cait Sith: My prediction for this round is saying Brahne will win. I'm purposely getting this wrong. Wanna know why? Because somehow, they are always right.  
  
Amarant: ………Don't bother me.  
  
Destined-Warrior: Weeeeeeell, stay cool, stay in school kiddies!  
  
Amarant: What's that got to do with this?  
  
Destined-Warrior: Nothing (I'm still in school myself), but had to say something off the wall. Just host this damn thing right.  
  
Delita: Shouldn't be hard.  
  
(I walk off the scene)  
  
Cait Sith: Well, uhhhhhh, this script thingy says we now go to the locker rooms. To the Locker Rooms!  
  
*************************  
  
(In the locker rooms…)  
  
Wedge: I still don't understand why WE have to fight. We've somehow like, become friends or something.  
  
Gaffy: Never begin to trust anybody Wedge, because they'll probably one day stab you in the back with a knife. (Gaffy is seen with a knife hovering over Wedge)  
  
Wedge: Aaaaaaaaaaaa!  
  
Brahne: Stop it Gafgarion, do that to him in the ring. Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa!  
  
Gaffy: Your right, it'll be more fun in there. Bwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa!  
  
Brahne: Mwa ha ha ha, my evil roots have come back again, I haven't felt so evil since the days before my first death!  
  
*************************  
  
Amarant: Don't worry, because I believe she was always like that.  
  
Delita: Uh…yeah…I knew Gaffy was a bit weird in the head, but for fat lady…  
  
Cait Sith: WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! And dear God Wedge, you've gotten soft from not fighting for so long.  
  
Amarant: ……….  
  
Delita: Oh, that's right, now we have to go to the audience!  
  
Cait Sith: TO THE AUDIENCE!  
  
*************************  
  
Agrias: Hmmm, just noticed Ovelia is gone.  
  
Aerith(came back to life from the last round): So, like it really matters.  
  
Agrias: Nope, it doesn't, actually, I'm happy.  
  
Rafa: Is this because you now have no responsibilities?  
  
Agrias: Could be, I'm a free WOMAN now.  
  
All Three: YEAH, GIRL POWER!  
  
*************************  
  
Vincent: Hmph, I'm bored.  
  
Cloud: Hmmm, are you even gonna fight?  
  
Vincent: Not that I can recall at the moment.  
  
Cloud: Thinking about it…  
  
Vincent: Let's just go look at the schedule…  
  
(They go to the board place where the rounds are posted)  
  
Ramza (who happens to be drinking some milk): Yo, *slurp* wassup?  
  
Cloud: We want to know the order of the matches. Vincent is bored.  
  
Zidane: Hey Cloud, remember our bet?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I know if Brahne wins, you get five porno magazines from me, and if I win with Gafgarion, then you owe me five.  
  
Zidane: Just making sure, because you sure are forgetful.  
  
Ramza: Yo guys, this is the schedule…  
  
Round \ Winner \ Fighters  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------  
  
Blond Heroes: FFT: Ramza/Cloud/Zidane  
  
Cids: FF9: Cids of FFT, FF7, FF9  
  
Girls: FF7: A bunch of female characters  
  
Villains: FF9: Altima/Sephiroth/Kuja  
  
Announcers: ---- : Gafgarion/Wedge/Brahne  
  
Princesses: ---- : Puppet Ovelia/Aerith/Dagger  
  
Animal: ---- : Boco/Red/Boco  
  
Protectors: ---- : Agrias&Delita/Cloud&Tifa/Steiner&Beatrix  
  
Blond Heroes Fight One Last Time: ----: Ramza/Cloud/Zidane  
  
Vincent: Oh poo, I don't get to fight….  
  
Cloud: Sorry man, too bad about that.  
  
Vincent: What a waste of time, I'm going.  
  
*************************  
  
Quina: Search for yummy yummy. Me ask you, you have yummy yummy?  
  
Beatrix: Uhhhh, I got a hotdog.  
  
Zell (again?): HOTDOG, look at that HOTDOG!  
  
Quina: Yum, you look tasty, me eat! (Quina eats Zell)  
  
Zell (in Quina's Stomech): Wait here, isn't that a bit unrealistic?  
  
Beatrix (who somehow hears all this): No, Quina's stomech is pretty damn huge.  
  
All: HA ha ha ha haaaaaa!  
  
*************************  
  
Amarant: ……….This is stupid you know that.  
  
Delita: I do know that as a matter of fact, and now, what you've all been waiting for!  
  
Cait Sith: The announcers will be fighting in the ring very soon!  
  
Delita: Anyway, the traps for this round will be these wonderful machine guns as to which we may shoot at our announcers.  
  
Amarant: I'm the one who came up with this one.  
  
Cait Sith: But since we can't kill the fighters, they are only bee bees. But boooooooy do they sting when hit by one.  
  
Delita: Yep, we tested it on Cloud. *That flashback thingy with all the swirly lines happens*  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Cloud: Ow ow owwwwwwww, stop with the bullets. My poor butt, how am I to ever sit on my ass and read porno mags ever again?  
  
Amarant: Boom, take that wussy boy.  
  
Delita: Ha ha ha haaaa, I'm a king, and can do whatever I want.  
  
Cait Sith: Haven't felt so good since the days before I started to control this robot!  
  
------------------------------------  
  
Delita: That was really fun. Anyway, to introduce our characters, I'll begin with Gaff Gaffgarion. A mercenary who cares more for making money than anything else he actually does (other than maybe killing people). Died his first death through the hands of Ramza Beoluve.  
  
Cait Sith: Well, Wedge here died from some explosion mess awhile back. Anyway, he basically died through the hands of Shinra. Poor guy is now a pacifist after his grand fighting days.  
  
Amarant: Do I have to introduce the queen? Well anyway, Kuja screwed her mind up, then when not needed anymore…died. Anyway, she is big and fat, and probably will fight using her weight to crush her opponents. There, I did what I was supposed to.  
  
Cait Sith&Delita: Well anyway, time to fight. Our imaginary bell just went DING!  
  
*************************  
  
Wedge: What, no, this can't be, the bell has rung?  
  
Gaffy: Ho ho ho, oh yes Wedge it has! *Is seen hanging over Wedge with a knife*  
  
Wedge: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!  
  
Brahne: Just get this on already. (Brahne is seen hanging on the rim of the ring thing. She appears to be ready to jump like the do in the WWF.)  
  
Wedge: *Gulp*  
  
Gaffy: Okay Brahne, let's start!  
  
(They then begin to fight. Delita shoots one of his bee bee bullets at Brahne. This causes Brahne to fall down and topple Wedge. Wedge begins to cry like a little baby. Gaffy just looks at the pair and tries to decide which one he would kill first. But Brahne is actually quite quick for her weight, and was up again about thirty seconds later. The crying Wedge is then shot by one of the stinging bee bees by Amarant.)  
  
Amarant: I love picking on the helpless ones.  
  
(Back in the ring…)  
  
Wedge: OW, okay, I've HAD IT. Just like Cloud and gang in FF7, I too can do limits. Take this, my limit break level one Vomit! *Wedge is seen barfing out vomit at the other two in the ring*  
  
Gaffy: I've seen some sick stuff, but this makes the cake. *Gaffy is seen taking off cake from his armor. *  
  
Gaffy: Take this NIGHT SWORD!  
  
(When Gaffy did this, the stadium became dark, and a bright reddish thing came and zapped Wedge. Gaffy now felt rejuvenated after that. Wedge, now nearly dead, makes one last attempt to do what he can, and hacks off Gaffy's armor completely. Wedge dies from over an overweight lady toppling him, his vomiting, Gaffy night swording him, and his piddly attempt to kill Gaffy.)  
  
Cait Sith: Thought he was a pacifist, and I guess he was in some ways. I guess they just pissed him off too much, which may be why he did that. Don't worry folks, because he'll be alive in next round.  
  
Delita: Hey Cait Sith, you still haven't shot any bee bees. Gaffy looks like fun, or should we shoot Brahne?  
  
Amarant: I'm shooting Brahne.  
  
Cait Sith: Well, yeah, okay, but I'm going to go nuts and use every one of my bullets.  
  
Delita: Sounds like fun, let's do that.  
  
(Back at the ring again…)  
  
Brahne: Ha ha ha Gaffgarion, we are now here to see which of us announcers is best.  
  
Gaffy: I'm the best at everything I do Brahne.  
  
Brahne: Shut up, I can do anything better than you (this sounds like that Gatorade commercial ya know).  
  
Gaffy: Doubt it.  
  
*Suddenly those bee bee guns are being shot like crazy on the ring's floor. *  
  
Brahne: Those damn things sting. OW OW OW!  
  
Gaffy: *pain pain pain*  
  
(Brahne braces herself to jump off the ring. Amarant gets a few more lucky shots, which causes Brahne to fall off too early. Gaffgarion doesn't hesitate this time though, and goes up for the kill. He slices her with his sword.)  
  
Brahne: You still suck.  
  
Gaffy: Won't admit defeat huh?  
  
Brahne: *die*  
  
*************************  
  
Amarant: Yeah. He wins. Girl Power sucks.  
  
Delita: Might wanna be careful with what you say Amarant, our sponsor is a woman.  
  
Amarant: She said to me girl power is a stupid thing too.  
  
Cait Sith: But well, she doesn't really side with boys or girls. Besides, only stupid girls believe in girl power or whatever the hell ya wanna call it. And by the way, my prediction was wrong!  
  
Delita: Only cause you got it wrong on purpose.  
  
Amarant: You people are too funny. Well, I gotta do the points now.  
  
Ramza: 2  
  
Cloud: 1  
  
Zidane: 2  
  
Cait Sith: Does my game suck or something?  
  
Delita: It's not that, it's just that you have too many characters like poor Wedge.  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, but I'm okay with that. Our next round is where the princesses shall fight.  
  
Delita: What, what's with that, Ovelia is fighting.  
  
(I walk onto the scene)  
  
Destined-Warrior: Better clear this up, okay, it's a puppet Ovelia they'll be fighting.  
  
Delita: Oh, I see, never mind.  
  
Cait-Sith: Well then, the real announcers will return so, you'll see them next time oooooooooooonnnnnn…  
  
All: BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!  
  
*************************  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I won the bet!  
  
Zidane: You suck, oh well, a bet is a bet.  
  
Ramza: When am I gonna get my pet monkey?  
  
All that are still alive: Who knows Ramza!  
  
Well another round is done, just four more to go. Well, this chapter is up a lot faster than what my other one was. 


	6. The Truth Of Vivi And The Deal With Espe...

Battle of the Blond Heroes  
  
Ch. 6  
  
1 By: Destined-Warrior  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, blah blah blah, so on and so on.  
  
Note: Heh, I could've had FF10 in this thing, but the reason I did not put it in there is because I haven't really played it. I didn't enjoy playing it all that much and just stopped playing it, barely made it through the first hour. So, I'll shut up now and get this round started.  
  
*************************  
  
Wedge: Welcome all, somehow, I'm still here alive and well. I have died twice in my life, and let me tell you…hell sucks.  
  
Brahne: It does, those demons…all they do is torture you. But, our sponsor is like god in this tournament, and has allowed us to magically come back to life.  
  
Gaffy: Ha, I've only been to hell once, so Na Na Na Na boo boo!  
  
Vivi: Oh yeah, I've decided that I'll show my face to society for this round only. *Takes off his hat and mask*  
  
Brahne: Hey, I recognize you from somewhere…uhhhh…  
  
Wedge: It's my long lost brother Piette!  
  
Vivi/Piette: I was found in Chrono Trigger, but got lost again somehow or another into the FF9 world. I didn't know what the heck was going on. Then Kuja took advantage of me, and turned me into Vivi. I actually didn't figure this out until I had my first kid. When the kid pulled off my hat one day, I noticed I had hair.  
  
Wedge: And…go on.  
  
Vivi/Piette: Upon further inspection, I realized I was wearing a mask, and remember, I was supposed to last longer than the other clones that were made of me.  
  
Gaffy: Urrrrrm, a touching reunion and all, but we now must go to the locker rooms  
  
Brahne: To the Locker Rooms!  
  
************************  
  
Aerith: I'm not even a princess. So why am I here?  
  
Dagger: You're the closest thing in FF7 to a princess, deal with it.  
  
Puppet Ovelia: Some unknown person is controlling me. Guess whom it is, and I shall go on a date with you!  
  
Dagger: We don't know if you male or female…but I don't know…uhhhhh…Rumplestilskin?  
  
Puppet Ovelia: No, that's not whose controlling me!  
  
Aerith: How uncreative can you be Dagger? That was just pitiful. I guess uhhhhh, Cloud?  
  
PO (Puppet Ovelia): Nooooooo, but your closer than what Dagger was.  
  
************************  
  
Gaffy: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that somebody is going to die this round that somebody will be happy she is dead. Hmm hmm hmm.  
  
Brahne: I know Gaffy whom you speak of, and boy can I not wait.  
  
Vivi/Piette: I WANNA host, come on!  
  
Wedge: Um, no little brother, you cannot!  
  
(Brahne picks up Vivi/Piette and sees the steam coming from her nose again)  
  
Vivi/Piette: Okay, he can host.  
  
Brahne: That's right Piette, or should I say Vivi. To the audience now!  
  
Gaffy: I had to say something else, and I said it, so okay, to the audience now!  
  
************************  
  
Sephiroth: I'm going to devise one last trick to destroy the evil blond heroes.  
  
Kuja: But, I always thought WE were the evil ones.  
  
Altima: That's an opinionated thing. I think we are the good guys, and they are bad.  
  
Sephiroth: Don't you ever shut up about that type of stuff, you're always somehow wrong anyway?  
  
Kuja: So, what's the plan Sephy?  
  
Sephiroth: Don't call me Sephy, and I'm not sure what the plan is. Let's just kill those b******s out of insanity more than anything else.  
  
Altima: I like that plan. *Flips hair* I can then mess with Ramza, hee hee.  
  
(Sephiroth and Kuja just stare at him/her.)  
  
************************  
  
Vincent: I'm gonna go on a killing spree, anybody wanna join in?  
  
Algus: I get to say something else! YAY! Yeah, killing spree, when will we do this?  
  
Vincent: I dunno, how about the last round? Besides, I'm pissed off at Cloud, that little pansy. WHY AM I NOT FIGHTING!?  
  
Barret: I'll join in.  
  
Red: Me too.  
  
Freya: Include me also.  
  
Hilda (FF9 Cid's Wife): Violence is not an answer for revenge, but forget my damn morals, and let us go on this killing spree.  
  
************************  
  
Cait Sith: Shhhh, I'm the one controlling puppet Ovelia. Imagine me, a puppet controlling another puppet. I think everyone has seen it all after my dealings with dolls and such. Oh, by the way, my prediction this time I say will be me as the winner. Okay, I mean this puppet Ovelia, but you get the gist.  
  
Delita: Heh heh, that's cool your able to do that. Wish I had a puppet version of me.  
  
Amarant: ……….  
  
Delita: You still here Amarant, didn't know that.  
  
Amarant: Nowhere better to go at the moment.  
  
Cait Sith: I see, hee hee ha ha. HA ha ha ha haaaaaa!  
  
Delita: ………. You're scaring me now.  
  
Amarant: Me too, and it takes a lot to do that.  
  
************************  
  
Brahne: That audience talk was short. I want more I tell you, more entertainment for me!  
  
Wedge: I think this match is more interesting than anything. Don't you think so too Gafgarion?  
  
Gaffy: Yeah yeah, whatever. (He's looking through binoculars at women's boobs).  
  
Brahne: Um, I don't think I wanna know what he's doing.  
  
Wedge: Agreed Brahne, and Piette, I've allowed you to introduce our Final Fantasy Princess, take it away lil' brother!  
  
Vivi/Piette: YEAH, anyway, our first introduction is Aerith. Like they said in the locker rooms, she's the closest thing in FF7 to a princess. Aerith died through the hands of Sephiroth awhile back, but has been brought back to life actually…two times in this tournament. In round 3 she died, and Cid and Tifa beat the living s*** out of her in round 4. Poor girl, probably will die again too.  
  
Brahne: A bit long, but okay, here comes my stupid "daughter". She isn't even really a princess either, but has become a queen. I took care of that, and Tifa now is the heir to my throne, but well, Gafgarion, we all know what shall happen to my daughter this round right?  
  
Gafgarion: Actually, we do, she shall be killed in some form or way. And our last princess is Ovelia. Okay okay, it's a puppet, but you get the idea don't you? Anyway, somebody is controlling him. And well, we'll find out if the controller is as good as he says he is.  
  
Cait Sith: I HEARD THAT GAFGARION!  
  
Brahne: Yeah, figured you did Kitty.  
  
Wedge: Um, Brahne, what are the traps?  
  
Brahne: Oh yes, that's correct; Watch out for Vivi/Piette, he's going to be assonating anyone who says he can't be a host, or that he's vertically challenged also.  
  
Wedge: But, I thought there was something else….  
  
Brahne: Might want to mention the fact that summons used may backfire on you. Well, on your mark…get set…gooooooo!  
  
Gaffy: *Cough*wishshe'dstopdoingthat*cough*  
  
*************************  
  
PO: Poot!  
  
Aerith: Why did you just say poot?  
  
PO: No idea Poot!  
  
Dagger: Take summon I summon Ifrit!  
  
(All of a sudden the stadium explodes into fire, it only seems to harm the ones in the ring, meaning Puppet Ovelia and Aerith. As soon as he burned them, he quickly disappeared.)  
  
PO: Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah, well I'll show you! Mbarrier! *Suddenly Po has haste, regen, protect, shell, and rereaise*  
  
Aerith: Well, I gotta do something too, take staff! *Hits Dagger with her pittly weapon*  
  
(Suddenly Vivi/Piette enters the ring. Dagger tells him hello, PO just knows not to say anything, and Aerith and her stupidity says something)  
  
Aerith: Why hello there little fellow, and what's your name?  
  
Vivi/Piette: It's Piette Vivi. And I'm not little!  
  
Dagger: Of course you are, all of us are in FF9, okay, except Steiner and Amarant, but that's different.  
  
Vivi/Piette: I'm not part of your evil game Dagger; I'm in a better one! I'm supposed to be in Chrono Trigger Damn it! So I was told you're to die, and you deserve it.  
  
(Vivi/Piette cast Flare on Dagger. Dagger didn't have a chance to think, she blew to pieces. Billions of pieces, many of them hitting the audience, this caused them to say ewwwwww. Personally, it would've been funnier if he had used death, but either way, it works right?)  
  
PO: Meow, what have you done to my pretty dress, and my hair, I hate you! But I'll take care of you later Piette. My first site is on Aerith!  
  
Aerith: Hmph, uhhhh, I summon Leviathan. And oh yeah, is that you Cait Sith?  
  
PO: Uh oh, been discovered, oh well, Um, Leviathan is coming after you Aerith.  
  
Aerith: Whatever do you mean Cait Sith…Ahhhh, your not suppose to eat me Leviathan! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *CHOMP goes Leviathan, bye bye to Aerith*  
  
Cait Sith: Hey, thanks Nessy, but where's Ifrit at?  
  
Nessy: ROAAAAAAAARRRRRRR HEAR ME ROAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! IFRIT IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW...OH, HERE HE COMES!  
  
Cait Sith: Thanks for making the fireproof doll Ifrit, came in handy for letting me win!  
  
*************************  
  
Gaffy: Nessy is Leviathan?  
  
Brahne: Apparently so, it seems that it is.  
  
Wedge: And Ifrit likes to make fireproof objects…so many things we did not know about the espers.  
  
Gaffy: Well, Cait Sith, another of your predictions are correct, congratulations, Puppet Ovelia wins!  
  
Delita: I don't mind, because really it was Cait Sith that controlled her.  
  
Amarant: This thing is stupid, when does it end?  
  
Gaffy: Actually…we have three more rounds to go.  
  
Brahne: This tournament sure has been interesting so far…more zaniness ahead right?  
  
Wedge: Of course Brahne, Piette, what do you think?  
  
Piette: Yep, can I do more killing in the next round?  
  
Wedge: Sorry, no you can't, points Brahne.  
  
Brahne: Oh, that's right, here they are…  
  
Ramza: 3  
  
Cloud: 1  
  
Zidane: 2  
  
Gaffy: Our game is in the lead, but can that change before the end?  
  
Wedge: Anyone can still win ooooooooooon…  
  
All: BATTLE OF THE BLOND HEROES!  
  
Note: Sorry about the Aerith bashing Aerith lovers. Don't take it too offensively okay. 


End file.
